Lately there have been so many things going on, so many new things thrown in my face, and so many changes that I think I have about a million different emotions going on inside of me right now.
Just to list a few off...
-Fear
-Sadness
-Excitement
-Regret
-Confusion
-Anticipation
-Frustration
-Eagerness
-Longing
The list goes on.
The ways that I let my emotions out the best is through song and through painting. Barbara reminded me of this when I talked to her yesterday, and I have made it my goal to paint something and/or write a song that depicts how I'm feeling sometime this week. I have no idea how it will turn out. I guess we will have to see.
The world is a crazy place I have decided. It throws things at you that you didn't see coming and didn't have time to prepare for. I wish I had been prepared for so much more when I went to college. I wish I had known what to do in certain situations. Maybe people had even tried telling me what to do, I was just too prideful to take it into consideration. Stupid me.
My life right now feels like a wrestling match. I feel like I am having to wrestle all of these different obstacles, but each obstacle leaves something behind...good or bad. There is either the pain of knowing that I definitely didn't do what I was supposed to do, or contentment, knowing that I did the right thing. And with every different obstacle, there is another emotion that just gets added to the pile.
I wonder if the craziness ever ends. Will there be a time in my life when I am completely content and at peace? Or will it always feel as if I'm fighting for my life (or maybe just my sanity)?
I'm just ready for my life to feel normal again. No more regrets, no more stupid mistakes. Just me, Jessica. The real me; the happy me. I'm ready to be the girl I used to be. The happy, carefree, joyful, energetic Jessica.
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