He's Called the Prince of Peace for a Reason

Peace: Freedom from disturbance; quiet and tranquility 

After working everything out and just laying my problems at the Lord's feet, He completely filled me with an overwhelming sense of joy and peace. I have been a much happier person this week which has definitely confused a few people. On Monday, despite the huge amount of studying and writing that I had to do, I was so joyful....the only explanation is the Lord. One of my friends was like "Jessica, it's normal to be upset...you don't have to fake being happy." I definitely wasn't faking.

The weather is helping with my good mood as well. It's the perfect temperature, and the skies are the bluest blue I've ever seen. It is amazing. :)

OH...creepy story real fast...So at the intersection of Texas and Holleman there are a million birds that completely cover the traffic lights, the shopping center signs, the grass, the trees...they are EVERYWHERE. It's exactly like the movie The Birds if you've ever seen it. I go as fast as I can through that intersection b/c I'm always afraid birds are going to attack my car...haha

Anyway...the joys of geography await....

Future

Lately I have found myself thinking about my future a lot.

What will I do when I get out of college? Where will I live? But the question most frequently crossing my mind has been "Who will my husband be?"

I joke around all the time about going to college to get my "MRS. Degree", but half the time...I don't think I'm joking. It seems like every guy I meet I'm like "Oh is he the one? What about him? Or him?". And with every new guy friendship I have learned a lot about who I am and what kind of guy I want to marry. However, there are times when I want God to grant me with a power that will allow me to see whether or not this guy is the one for me...but unfortunately, he never does. 

I need to trust in the Lord and His plan for my life. I know, I know, I say that all the time, but just like every other time, it's just as relevant. And just like every time, I'm not doing it.

It is so hard! And I always tell myself "well if I just had a husband, trusting the Lord would be so much easier", but deep down, I know thats not true.

Through all of this craziness I have come to realize that God has blessed me with really good discernment. I don't know why, but I am so thankful. I feel like I can pick out who is real and who is fake toward me. HOWEVER, I tend to screw it up sometimes and completely ignore it if God is saying "Uh, Jessica, this is definitely not the guy." Sometimes I just blow him off, which totally ruins the whole gift of discernment.

BUT...I can now say that I have been completely up front with the guys that I do NOT want a relationship with, and it feels wonderful. That actually sounds a little harsh when I say it like that, but let it be known that I let them know in a very loving way. 

Things are complicated...but it is all going to be ok :)

P.S. The school part of college is about a million times harder than the social part....it's a proven fact.

God is Awesome

OH MY GOODNESS!

He has been working in my life like no other in the past 2 days.

Although it hasn't necessarily been easy, I know He's doing something.

At church yesterday the sermon spoke to me like no other.

It was seriously like "Oh hey Jessica. I'm God. I love you. You should love others. You should put what you learn into practice. Why haven't you been doing that anyway?"

Whenever I struggle with certain things I have been searching His Word, and it has helped me so much!

I still have a lot of things to work on, but He's slowly but surly changing my heart...and it's awesome :)

Starting Over

So I'm going on this fast from guys.

So far since I've started college, guys have been a huge distraction.

To be honest, I'm SO tired of it...

I'm tired of the mixed emotions. I'm tired of the confusion. I'm tired of people kicking me to the curb.

Last night someone reinforced to me that God is the only one that will NEVER let me down.

He is the only one that will be here all the time. He's the only one that won't hurt me. He's the only one that will never break my heart. He is always here.

I'm tired of pursuing things that I know will never work out and that are completely meaningless. I'm tired of being "friends" with people that are just going to ditch me when someone better comes along.

College has been a learning experience for sure, but not in the area of academics (unfortunately). I have learned so much just from being here for a month and a half. 

Here is a list of some life lessons:

1. Most guys want the same thing....to be physical...christian or nonchristian...they want the same thing

2. No one will satisfy....I have felt so empty on the inside, and I know why...because NO ONE will satisfy like Christ

3. Hitting rock bottom sucks

4. God has someone amazing picked out for me, I just have to wait for him...but it's going to be worth it in the end

5. Just being friends is an amazing thing...that is if you are both cool with just being friends

6. Girl friends are a necessity

7. It's ok to bawl your eyes out every once in a while

8. The empty feeling in your stomach means that something is definitely not right

9. College is stinkin hard

10. Being in the Word is crucial

There are more, but I figured 10 was a good number to end on...

It's going to be a crazy journey...